Abbreviated excerpt from Spiritual Geography: the Country of Betrayal
Welcome, Pilgrim, to the Country of Betrayal where everyone’s journey through Spiritual Geography begins. It doesn’t matter who did what to whom, who’s the good guy or the bad guy, the dumper or the dumpee, the betrayer or the betrayed. If you are standing in the Country of Betrayal, you’ve uncovered the truth of your marriage, and the truth is it was false—false emotions, false promises, false assumptions, false beliefs, false actions, false words; somewhere deep, it was false. In the Country of Betrayal, you will dissect that falseness. Betrayal is not a fun place. You probably won’t want to stay long, but to leave you have to make a decision—a big decision.
The District of Denial
If you are determined to not feel the pain or fight the battles, you have an option: You can retire to the District of Denial. There, you’ll find a lovely bright white hotel complete with curtained windows so you don’t have to see the world and locked doors so no one disturbs you. Hotel Denial is surrounded by a high white fence to ensure your isolation is complete. You can move into the Hotel Denial for a month, a year, a decade, a lifetime. No one will tell you the cost; you have to discover that for yourself. Just remember, as you close that solid door behind you, that choosing Denial is still choosing a country.
| What is the Country of Betrayal About? |  | | Element | | Vision | | Spiritual Task | | To begin to see what is, not just what I want to see | | Theme | | Confusion. Inability to see the past or the future with clarity | | Dominant Fear | | I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m scared.
I am afraid of change. |
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What Will I Encounter in Betrayal? Physical Terrain: Betrayal is one huge bewildering storm. Volcanoes explode, lightning flashes, rocks fly. Look up: nothing but storm clouds. Look down: hot lava lapping at your feet, jagged boulders blocking your path, sinkholes erupting in front of you.
Weather: The worst weather finds its way to Betrayal. Scared of hurricanes? Betrayal’s got them. Monsoons, tsunamis, tornadoes, whatever you don’t want, it’s here.
Emotional Landscape: Every pilgrim traveling through Betrayal reports feeling ill. Many describe feeling empty, as if their guts had vanished overnight. Others say they feel like they are free-falling down an endless black hole. Betrayal is a land of immobilizing fear punctuated with blasts of action-filled fury. Although individual feelings and experiences vary, almost every traveler reports an overwhelming fear of the unknown, bordering on panic.
Landmarks: In Betrayal the primary events are gut-wrenching discoveries that force you to snap open your eyes and see the truth of your marriage. Watch out for more flying debris, more bad news, more betrayals! As you uncover one, you are bound to find others: behind the infidelity…oh dear, more deception; behind the lies…uh oh, money problems. Keep digging. In Betrayal you have the opportunity to unearth the whole mess and begin to see—really see.
Road Signs: You will be hounded by questions throughout Betrayal.
Why didn’t I see this sooner?
How could I have been so blind?
What was the truth of our marriage?
I’ve never been here before! Where am I?
I’m terrified to go forward but I can’t go back. What do I do?
What if I make the wrong decision?
Your spiritual task in Betrayal is to explore these questions. Remember, Pilgrim, the only way out is through: through the questions, through the answers, through the confusion, through the grief. As you ask the hard questions and listen for answers, you will begin to see.
Exit: You’ll know you are ready to leave Betrayal when, despite the fear, despite the lack of knowing, despite the anguish, you step forward into the unknown. Maybe you make the decision or maybe you get pushed, but either way you recognize that life is changing and—ready or not—you take the plunge, asking God to be with you.
Prayer Ticket: The essence of the spiritual healing in Betrayal is to learn to see with newly opened eyes. It’s particularly hard to force yourself to open your eyes when your primary fear is that you can’t visualize a safe future. Your prayer ticket is your antidote to all that fear. It reminds you to stay open to the truth and trust that even though you can’t see where you’re going, God can, and your future is safe in God’s hands.
Visa Stamp to Enter Betrayal: The visa stamp to enter Betrayal is a volcano, representing the explosive changes taking place in your life. It doesn’t feel like it, but somehow, somewhere, in some way, Spirit is in charge. And, if Spirit is in charge, then all is well. So, trust that and know that and step into the mystery.
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