Dear God, do families end?
The Children in Divorce workbook says: “Families don’t end, marriages do.”
I don’t think so. Families do end.
Or perhaps they sometimes never begin. Ours didn’t.
It wasn’t a family; it was a fantasy.
The happy family fantasy
The happy family
sitting on designer chairs around a marble table,
under a luscious oil painting in a coral dining room,
eating stuffed artichokes off hand-painted dishes.
The happy family fantasy
Opening mounds of presents under a sparkling Christmas tree.
Hiding real dyed eggs in the garden at Easter.
Hanging birthday windsocks and seasonal flags.
Sharing holiday feasts with friendly neighbors and doting relatives.
Fantasy
All a happy family fantasy
What was really happening?
Mom prayed alone.
Dad slept with his secretary.
Child crawled into his crib.
Mom worked hard and paid all the bills.
Dad’s company struggled to survive.
Child spent the day with baby sitters.
Mom planned a baptism celebration with entertainment, printed napkins,
and a whole poached salmon. Dad couldn’t find the church.
Child squirmed in Grandmother’s arms.
Mom made beautiful dinners.
Dad came home too late to eat.
Child asked to be excused.
Mom took long baths.
Dad drank after dark.
Child wet the bed.
Mom never missed Little League.
Dad never made it.
Child never hit the ball.
Mom read self-help books.
Dad read pornography.
Child listened to fairytales.
Mom took vitamins.
Dad took sleeping pills.
Child ground his teeth.
Mom bought her in-laws all their presents.
Dad forgot to call his mother on Mother’s Day.
Child drew elaborate weapons.
Mom started therapy.
Dad smashed the walls.
Child pretended he didn’t see the holes.
Mom said: “I am afraid of you,” and filed for divorce.
Dad said: “Goodbye,” and held a loaded shotgun to his head.
Child said nothing and sat in his room.
Mom went to church.
Dad went to AA.
Child went to Grandmother’s till it was safe.
Mom got a divorce.
Dad got a girlfriend.
Child got …what?
“Mom,” the child said, “I hate Tuesdays.”
Tuesdays? Why do you hate Tuesdays?
“Because after Tuesday comes Wednesday
and on Wednesday I have to visit my Dad.”
Family
Fantasy
Happy Family Fantasy
I give it to You God, this family.
I give it to You, this fantasy.
I give it away, dear God, this happy family fantasy.
I don’t need it any more.
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