(Abbreviated excerpt from Spiritual Geography: The Country of War)

Welcome, Pilgrim, to the Country of War. In War, you have the opportunity to investigate the impact of your actions, your motives, and your beliefs. Here, you can begin to evaluate how your choices create your life, little decision by little decision.

Here, you can study how to make war and, when you are ready, how to end war.

You are fortunate to be here, Pilgrim, because in War you have the opportunity to earn a great gift that will nourish you for the rest of your life: Through the decisions you make in the country of War you have the opportunity to gain Wisdom.

Physical Terrain: War is a rugged, cold landscape dominated by the Battle Mountain range. The mountainsides are blanketed with dense forests and twisted narrow roads. Several roads pass through deep gorges perfect for guerilla warfare. As you climb into the mountains, beware of gravel slides, falling rock and avalanches. On the flatlands, you’ll find combat zones ready for battle. There are dozens of roads leading out of War, some headed back to Pain or back to Betrayal and some taking you on to Illusion. All loop back into War, except one. On this narrow road there is a sign with Chief Joseph’s stunning words: “I will fight no more forever.”

Weather: The weather in War is bizarre. There are bright sunny days when everything goes your way, and violent hail storms that explode on the scene in seconds when nothing goes right. Don’t count on the weather in War; it can, and will, change every day.

Emotional Landscape: War is a land of contrasts. You will experience surges of power followed by waves of depression. The strongest and scariest emotion in War is the overwhelming desire to attack and hurt this person you once loved. Watch out for obsession. Don’t confuse it with strength. You will experience fear bordering on panic surrounding legal proceedings. You may be surprised to see yourself behave so differently from your pre-divorce self. If you were self-confident and self-assured, you may be shocked by this stranger whimpering in court hallways and weeping on attorneys’ desks. If you were a gentle helpmeet, you may be frightened by a banshee who moves into your skin and demands what she or he wants.

Landmarks: You will experience frantic attempts to control the situation, find the strongest allies, outmaneuver the opposition and manipulate the outcome. If you weren’t a worrier before, you will become one now. You will agonize endlessly over what everyone else is doing. And there is so much to do. You will make long lists of things to do, people to see and details to control. In short, you will keep score.

One of the great learnings in War is how to set and hold boundaries. This could be the first time in your marriage that you draw a line in the sand. Don’t expect your ex to appreciate your new-found desire to stand your ground. But stand you will, if you want to learn wisdom.

Road Signs: The questions in War are rich and the answers complex. The questions start out simple enough:

Fairly quickly they progress to a deeper level:

Eventually they evolve to profound questions you’ve never encountered before:

These questions and others like them will haunt your travels through War. Fear them not, because in wrestling with them you will receive the gifts War has for you.

Prayer Ticket: The essence of the spiritual healing in War is to learn wisdom in action: how to act, when to act, why to act. The only way to learn this is to experiment with action. As usual, the only way out is through.

All warriors want to be strong, need to be strong. Strength in and of itself is a good thing; therefore it must have its basis in the divine. We pilgrims know we want and need strength but we may not know what kind of strength to ask for, or what to do with it once we get it. To help you plug into God’s strength—holy strength—say this healing, gentle prayer every day as you march through War.

Visa Entry Stamp: The entry stamp to the Country of War is two soldiers, symbolizing the great civil war in which you and your ex are now engaged. The soldiers are taking action; they are shooting. Welcome, Pilgrim, to the action stage in your spiritual healing journey.

Exit: You’ll know when you are ready to leave War. Perhaps there will come a day when you are just too exhausted to fight any more. Or perhaps you’ll feel a growing desire to stop fighting for fighting’s sake. You’ll know for certain that you are ready to exit War and enter Illusion when you start screaming out a brand new question: How did I get here? How did I create this mess? What was I thinking?