 Write Your Own Prayer of WarDo I have an enemy? Who is my enemy? Why is this person my enemy? What does my enemy want? What does my enemy do that leads me to believe he/she is my enemy? How do I react to my enemy’s actions? Why do I react this way? What am I doing to alleviate the problem? What am I doing that escalates the problem? What options do I have? What are the potential consequences of each option? What outcome do I want? Do I want peace, real peace? What is peace? How can we get there?
These are just a few of the deep, deep questions in the Country of War. I don’t have the answer to even one of them. You do. You may not believe that at the moment. You may not see peace on the horizon, but it is there. The potential for peace is always there.
There are several routes out of the Country of War:
Giving up is always an option, but probably not a very tasteful one. And how would it affect the children? Fighting to the death is an option, but that means there can only be one winner and what if it isn’t you? Oh dear. Pretending to stop fighting and then waiting in ambush for the poor jerk is an interesting option—even an appealing one—but it doesn’t actually stop the fighting. In fact, it probably prolongs it. Establishing a beachhead and pitching small battles till the other party finally surrenders or dies is an option. It’s a position many people take. You know them. They got a divorce three years ago, five years ago, ten years ago and they are still fighting: fighting over holidays, fighting over money, fighting over tuition, fighting over graduation, fighting over weddings, fighting over…what difference does it make? The point is they are still fighting. Not a pretty picture for the rest of your life or the rest of your children’s lives. Going for the jugular: setting up one BIG battle with the best lawyers, the best strategies and the best information—that’s a highly attractive option for people who think they can outmaneuver the enemy. Could work. Might not. Very exhausting. Very expensive. Killing your enemy. A drastic option but one that is real, so it has to be included in this list. BIG consequences on this one! I told my marriage counselor a hundred times, “I want space and time.” When I admitted that I hated my husband so much I thought I could kill him, the counselor said, “You want space and time? That’ll get you space and time—eight feet by eight feet for thirty years.” I decided to turn that corner. Circling the enemy looking for his/her weakness. I always thought I should have been able to do this, but I never succeeded. Every time I thought I found a chink in his armor, he’d repair it. I kept watching and waiting and studying his moves, but I never discovered his Achilles’ heel. In the end, I have to admit, this was a colossal waste of energy. - The aloof game played by the five-star general types: let the lawyers do the heavy lifting while the general dines in his/her private quarters. Unconcerned. Unaffected. Unafraid. Yeah, right.
Hmmmm, interesting dilemma, Pilgrim, don’t you think? There are dozens of potential strategies in the Country of War. Each with consequences. Each with a price. A price you pay. A price your enemy pays. And, unfortunately, a price your children pay.
There are many roads and only you can find the path that’s right for you. That’s the bad news. Get used to it, Pilgrim, there’s lots of bad news in the Country of War. The good news is that you can, and will, find your way. More good news: You don’t have to do this alone.
Get out your journal and go over the questions with God. Begin at the beginning and tackle them one at a time:
- Do I have an enemy?
- Who is my enemy?
- Why is this person my enemy?
- What does my enemy want?...
Follow the questions wherever they lead. Don’t stop discussing this with God until you find the answer to the last one: How can I get to Peace, dear God? How?
Like me, you may find that months after you start, you are still exploring these questions. Don’t be discouraged. They are rich questions that take you deep into the unexplored realms of your life, your motivations, and your desires. If you want to get out of the country of War (and sooner or later everyone wants out), keep going, keep writing, keep digging. The path will become clear, not right away, and perhaps not in the way you expect, but it will become clear.
|
