(Abbreviated excerpt from Spiritual Geography: The Country of Illusion)

After your travels through War, you are undoubtedly weary of fighting. And after Pain you are certainly drained from hurting. In fact, at this point in your journey you are probably sick and tired of being sick and tired. That’s good because now you are ready to ask the really tough (and really brave) questions: “How did I get here? How did I create this mess? What was I thinking?” Welcome, Pilgrim, to the Country of Illusion where the biggest illusion of all is that this journey is now, or ever was, about anyone but you.
Illusion is a country of excavation. You better get a hard hat and safety goggles because you are going to do grueling work with power tools. Here, you will backtrack through your history dissecting your choices, your motivations, your beliefs, your very thoughts. It won’t be easy, or pleasant, or fun, but you will be glad you came, because you will be a different person—a mindful person—when you finish. And here’s the best part: Having investigated your past so thoroughly, you will not—in fact, you can not—make the same mistakes again. So, it’s worth it, Pilgrim, it’s worth it.

Physical Terrain: Illusion’s dominant feature is the large placid Mirror Lake. All roads and streams loop back to Mirror Lake, so that sooner or later every pilgrim reaches the shore and looks in. The lake reflects our thoughts and actions back to us so we can connect the dots between our beliefs and the consequences of those beliefs. There is only one exit out of Illusion, however, the all-important “Not a Victim Bridge” Crossing it marks a major shift in focus from the other to the self, from victim conscious to not-a-victim consciousness, from slavery to freedom.

Weather: The weather in Illusion echoes the hard psychological and spiritual work done here. This is indoor work, requiring quiet and time, so the skies are overcast, perfect weather to curl up with your thoughts.

Emotional Landscape: You will do the hardest kind of work in Illusion—self work. So, get prepared for some tough revelations. As the mirror reveals the truth about your past choices and behavior, you will be filled with disgust. As the revelations swell, you will wallow in self-hate, angry with yourself for having been so stupid, furious with the naïve person who got married in the first place. Eventually, you will tire of berating yourself. Gradually, as you make peace with your past consciousness, you will evolve toward self-forgiveness.

Landmarks: Illusion is full of hard questions and harder answers, all of which start with: Why did I…? You will study your past choices, recognize the consequences of those choices, and investigate why they seemed so right at the time. You may not be ready to forgive your ex, but you will forgive yourself for having married him or her. There are two huge landmarks in Illusion. Number one is the awareness that this journey is about you—not your marriage, not your ex, not your parents, or anyone else. The second is the stunning revelation that you are not a victim and never were.

Road Signs: There are many billboards surrounding Mirror Lake, each with a provocative question:

These questions and others like them will consume your thoughts in Illusion. Keep looking in the mirror and answering.

Prayer Ticket: The essence of the spiritual task in Illusion is to awaken to the astonishing ability of the mind to create. This is hard, hard work. You’ll need all the help you can get. Take this prayer ticket and use it daily. At first, you won’t believe the words. Say them anyway. When you hit the entrance to NAV Bridge, and you have the profound revelation that despite all that happened you are not a victim after all, and furthermore, you choose to be free, you will look at your prayer ticket and smile.

Passport Entry Stamp: The entry stamp for Illusion is a mirror representing the deep work of discovering how your marriage was the natural outcome of your spiritual consciousness. You will look in the mirror and slowly discern how your thoughts and expectations about marriage, love, and relationships created your world. Welcome, Pilgrim, to the thinking stage in your spiritual healing journey.

Exit: You’ll know you are ready to leave when you acknowledge your past choices haven’t worked, yet forgive yourself for making them. When you uncover what you are really afraid of and look it in the eye. When you recognize how you hid from the truth of your relationship. When you honestly say the pain of your marriage and your divorce is not all your ex’s fault.