What Will I Encounter in Pain?
Physical Terrain: Pain is a swamp. Put on your boots, Pilgrim, because it’s tough slogging through the mud of the marshes and bogs. There are dozens of silty rivers and brackish streams, but the primary body of water is the long, dark “Cry Me a River” snaking through Pain from its source in Betrayal.
Weather: No surprises here: just rain, rain, rain. Hope you like gray, because everything in Pain is gray to reflect your gray mood. Look up: gray clouds in a gray sky. Look down: gray sand and gray mud.
Emotional Landscape: You will experience a
roller coaster of emotions, but this is no amusement park. You will start with overwhelming sadness, but you’ll quickly find yourself cascading through more foreign emotions like uncontrollable anger and soul-scorching hate.
Landmarks: The primary experiences are wallowing in pain and crying rivers of tears. Look for a massive need for sleep coupled with sleeplessness. At the oddest times, you’ll be tortured by the “woulda-coulda-shouldas,” daydreams in which you frantically try to recreate the marriage that would have worked, could have worked, should have worked. Your relationship with food is on the same
teeter-totter as your emotions: can’t eat, or can’t stop eating. Sometime in your journey through Pain, you’ll take off your
wedding ring and, if you were in an abusive relationship, at some point, you’ll recognize that, and begin to label what happened abuse.
Road Signs: Watch for these signs in the swamps, in the fog, and beside the banks of “Cry Me a River”:
- Why is this happening to me?
- Why do I feel so ashamed?
- What’s wrong with me?
- Why can’t I stop crying?
- Is life ever going to be good again?
- Where did this hate come from?
- Why am I so weak?
Your spiritual task in Pain is to acknowledge your emotions, whatever they may be, experience them, and begin to heal them. You can’t heal what you won’t acknowledge. These questions will help you. Remember, Pilgrim: The only way out is through.
Exit: You’ll know you are ready to leave the Country of Pain when you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. One day, you’ll realize you are weary of wallowing in pain. One day, you’ll discover you have the will to stand up and the energy to move. Finally, the day will come when you have the strength to fight.
Prayer Ticket: The essence of the spiritual healing in Pain is feeling your feelings. Your prayer ticket is the antidote to your fear of feeling. The irony of this prayer ticket is that it cradles you so lovingly in the arms of God that you can acknowledge your deepest feelings without disintegrating into them.
Visa Stamp to Enter Pain: The visa stamp to enter Pain is a box of tissue, representing the spiritual work of acknowledging and consciously feeling your hurt—the hurt in your marriage, yes, but a deeper hurt, too—the profound pain in your soul. You may not want to feel this pain, not such deeply-embedded, frightening pain. It may seem counter intuitive, but if you feel the pain, you can start to relieve the pain. Remember, Pilgrim, in Spiritual Geography, the only way out is through. Welcome, Pilgrim, to the emotional stage in your spiritual-healing journey.
(Abbreviated excerpt from Spiritual Geography: The Country of Pain)
