Doesn’t writing a prayer of hurt seem counter intuitive? Why wallow in it? Why study the hurt and sink deeper and deeper into it, when the object seems like it ought to be to stop crying, stop mourning, stop moaning, and get on with your life. But, if the only way out is through, then the number one way to get out of the pain, out of the sorrow, and out of the endless mourning is to go deep into the pain, once and for all. But, how are you going to go into the pain without sinking so deep that you can’t get out?

Compose a movie of your marriage in your mind, letting the scenes flicker before your eyes: the little slights, the lost opportunities to connect, the small irritations, the ugly incidents. As your movie plays, and the pain intensifies, remember that every movie ends. When the credits roll, you can watch it again (and stay in the Country of Pain) or you can walk out of the theater and start working on scenes for your new movie--your new and healthier life.

Right now, however, your task is to hurt, to see the hurt, feel the hurt, and have empathy for the person who is hurting--you. So, watch the movie of your marriage carefully, taking notes on what happened and what it meant to you. Share your notes with God. God will watch the movie with you, and together, you can cry, cry, cry.