Is a friend or family member struggling through the heartache of separation or divorce? Take this Gift Locator. It will help you choose the right travel guide for him or her. 

Directions: There are three statements for each country. Count how many in each country describe your friend’s current behaviors or experiences. If you think he or she is finished, or almost finished, with an experience, or isn’t quite ready for it, don’t count it. The object is to determine which country or countries your friend is currently exploring, so only count the statements that describe behaviors you see your friend exhibiting now.

In order to make the statements readable, the pronouns alternate between the feminine and masculine. Substitute the correct pronoun for your friend.

Betrayal

1. His marriage is disintegrating. His life is blowing up. I can tell that he is terrified. He keeps saying he just doesn’t know what is going to happen next.
2. Despite what’s happening, she keeps saying that everything is all right and she is fine. She says she can handle the situation and nothing is really going to change. She's wrong, but she refuses to see that.
3. He is having trouble making the decision to either get a divorce or keep trying to fix the marriage. It seems he can’t go forward, but can’t go back to his old life either.

Pain

1. Her appetite has changed. She either can’t eat or eats all the time. I see a difference in her appearance.
2. I’m surprised by the level of hate he expresses toward his ex. He is really, really angry.
3. She cries all the time. It seems she’ll never stop crying.

War

1. He says his ex is his enemy and they are now at war. It’s become an obsession with him. All he talks about is how to outthink and outsmart her.
2. For her the courtroom is a combat zone. When she’s in court or preparing for legal proceedings, she is either itching to fight or racked with fear.
3. No matter how hard they fight, nothing ever seems to get finished or changed. I wish they’d stop fighting or find another way to settle this. It’s killing the people around them, especially their kids.

Illusion

1. She keeps saying she’s thrown away the best years of her life and can never get them back.
2. He talks quite a bit about what was wrong with their marriage. And sometimes he takes credit for some of the problems. I think he's beginning to be conscious of his part in the mess they created together.
3. She made some bad choices in her marriage, but she doesn’t seem to be able to forgive herself and move on. She keeps dwelling on what she did and why she did it.

Surrender

1. He talks about trying to stop controlling events and manipulating outcomes, but he’s afraid that if he stops, he might lose everything. 
2. It seems that she is constantly losing something or someone she cared about. For her, divorce seems to be one long line of people and things to say goodbye to.
3. He is so withdraw. When he does talk, he says he feels alone, more alone than he’s ever been.

Choice

1. She wants to start building a life of her own, but I can tell she needs help. She doesn't know how to do that.
2. I’ve heard him correct himself when he says something he used to say. His behavior seems somewhat different, too. It seems he’s trying to transform himself into someone better.
3. I know she struggles with doubts and fears about her ability to live on her own, but she’s making significant progress.

Peace

1. I see a big change in him. He is able to be with his ex and talk about her without any problems.
2. She has a new view of the divorce. Instead of labeling it a dreadful experience, she says now that it’s all a part of her life’s journey and she couldn’t be where she is without having gone through it.
3. When difficult things happen, and they still do, he just keeps going with a positive attitude and belief that everything will work out for the best.

When you are finished, look at the countries where you selected two or more  items. Is your friend clearly in one country? Two? Partially in several?

Don’t be surprised if he or she is in more than one country. Most pilgrims discover that, although they travel in a fairly logical progression gradually moving further and further east from their starting point in Betrayal, they do not travel in a straight line. Pilgrims often find themselves backtracking to re-explore an experience or country or leaping ahead to taste the future. The journey is not static, so your friend’s location will change based on his or her experiences and the depth of his or her spiritual exploration. So for now, choose the book (or books) from the country your friend appears to be in right now.

Visit the Travel Shop